Kayla is Two! Photo shoot

I know babies aren't suppose to be babies forever but gosh, I miss my little Kayla.

 

Kayla was 2 years old on Saturday, 13th August 2016.
I remember when she was little when I had to imagine what was wrong with her.

Now, She talks and tells me what she wants.
She is such an adorable little girl. I can say she's one of the best things that ever happened to me.
It makes me very emotional when she wakes up in the morning and smiles and says hello mummy.

God bless you abundantly my Tiwadara.

1

Readers Chronicles: Young and Successful but......

Lush, I'm writing you because I'm frustrated.

I'm a 24-year-old lady, I graduated from one of the best universities in Nigeria.

I got a job in one of the leading companies in Lagos after my NYSC through my uncle.

The company has a staff strength of about 400. The MD of the company started making sexual advances at me about 3 years ago. I accepted, I was young and stupid. I get promoted every year due to the fact I was dating the MD. I've risen to a role where I manage about 20 staffs in my department.

The issue is that I met a good guy about 18 months and he has asked me to marry him. We got engaged in April and I've been trying to break it off with my MD but the man has refused to accept that I need to break it off. He has completely lost it and now I realised that's my MD and fiancé's dad are close friends.

My MD has told his friend and now my fiancé's dad called me to come and see him. On getting to their house, my fiancé's dad told me to sleep with him once so that he won't tell his son and we can continue our marriage plan.We are due to get married in November this year

I told him NO that I can't do it. He gave me an ultimate to come back with 5 days if not he will tell his son about my relationship with my MD.

Should I do it Lush to save my relationship with his son?

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It's dicey, I'd say don't it. It could be a trap. Your fiance's father might want to know the kind of girl you really are. It can go either way, if it's not a trap then you lose your fiance but Good Riddance. How can you sleep with your supposedly father in law? That ain't right!!!

To share your story, please send an email to lush@lushmoments.com

2

I Miss Lagos

This post is dedicated to the most intriguing people on earth: the residents of Lagos, Nigeria and the surrounding communities. Lagos is better known as Lasgidi or Eko. The residents of Lagos are proud to call themselves Awa ti Eko! We are happy, proud and 10 million people strong! That’s more than the population of some countries. Lagos is the smallest state in the country in terms of landmass but is a force to be reckoned with in the country. It is the favourite haunt of foreigners who come to Nigeria.

I was born in Lagos and I'm a proud Lagosian. I haiI from Epe Local Government. I'm a Lasgidi babe at heart and even though I no longer live in Lagos, I miss Lagos die! Here are some of the things I miss about Lagos.

Lagosians are generally honest, at least while on the bus.
In Lagos, I have experienced just how honest we can be. I often marvel at how buses without conductors still manage to operate. As in how? It’s really simple. Each person brings forward his own transport fare and pays it without a fuss. It’s a real paradox, when you consider the rate of 419 (advanced fee fraud) that goes on in Lagos.

Lagosians drive like maniacs!
If you can drive in Lagos, you can drive in any other part of the country and the world. Why do I say this? Your reflexes will be so sharp that you will be able to look after yourself on the road. Lagosians drive like maniacs! From the danfo (Toyota 911 buses) drivers to the Lebanese you see on the roads around Lagos, everyone drives like the devil himself were chasing them. I’m laughing to myself as I visualize the madness on the streets of Lagos from my verandah. If you’ve ever been on a danfo, the agberos (street urchins) banging the danfo can give you quite a shock! It’s scary and hilarious at the same time. I drive like a maniac too! Some of my friends say they are sure I’ve driven Fayawo. Even my husband can attest to this. Lol.

Roadside food.
If you’ve ever been to Eko, you will see the numerous food sellers on the streets. From roast corn to soft drinks to cooked food… whatever you wish to eat can be readily bought on the streets. I miss suya (Hausa beef kebabs) like mad! Even though it gives me typhoid fever and running stomach, I still cannot resist it whenever I see it at night. Greedy me! It’s only India that surpasses us in variety of roadside food, so I’ve heard.

The fast-paced and hectic life in Lagos.
Lagos is so hectic and fast paced! If you live in Iju and have to work on the Island, you will definitely be able to relate to what I’m talking about. You have to wake up by 4 a.m and leave your house by 5 a.m to commute to the Island so that you can be there before 8 o’clock! In other climes, the distance you traverse is not more than 30 minutes! Also the Ajah traffic to my estate of life can be maddening! The only city that surpasses us in terms of being fast paced is New York, in my opinion. That’s one thing I don’t miss about Lagos, anyway.

My favourite haunts.
I miss Cold Stone ice cream and the nice red velvet cake I buy from Cakes and Cream and eat with my friends. I have not eaten a nice red velvet cake since I left Lagos. I also miss Jevinks Isi Ewu (goat head) like crazy! Lagos is full of nice haunts.

Danceathon!
Lagosians love parties! On weekends, you can see women adorned in their iro and buba, complete with their gele hurrying to the next party venue. I miss all that.
Lagos is fun and I wish I could teleport to Lagos right now as I reminisce about it.
Eko oni baje o!

Thanks for reading,
xoxo, Lush

2

How to stop being Jealous!

We’ve all heard of jealousy and its twin sister, envy. Many people are entrapped by this dangerous emotion, to the extent that they become possessive and stalk whoever happens to be the object of their affection.

Jealousy is an emotion that you feel when something you value is threatened. Sometimes, jealousy arises from paranoia, which is a mental health condition. How do we move from a place of jealousy to a place of freedom where we respect our partners, don’t see them as an extension of ourselves and seek to induce jealousy in them? Read on.

Understand the meaning of jealousy.
As I said before, jealousy is an emotion you feel when something you value is threatened. At the base of jealousy is fear of loss: loss of the loved one, loss of self-respect and loss of the esteem in which others hold you. This fear is what causes paranoid behaviours and acting out towards your loved one. If this fear of loss can be lessened, there will be no need for you to act insecure.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Take their word for it. Resist the urge to doubt your partner when s/he says something. It is very insulting to your lover when you are continually questioning their every word and behaviour. Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. If you’ve been a paranoid and possessive person in your relationship, you’d do well to remember that.

Check your self-esteem.
Sometimes, people are jealous because deep down within them, they feel unlovable. They ask themselves: how is it possible that such a person can love me? This makes them act out whenever they see their lover with another person. If you are the jealous type, restrain your dangerous emotion by believing in your partner’s love for you and seeing yourself as a lovable person.

Get ready to lose your partner.
It might sound counter-intuitive, but you need to be able to imagine yourself surviving, no, even thriving if your partner walks away from you and leaves the relationship. Instead of being self-centered and imagining that you can’t live without your partner, learn to visualize how well you’d be able to live and the things you’d be able to accomplish if they walk out on you. Don’t act like you’re self-sufficient in a relationship o! It doesn’t help.

I end with the title of Cynthia Hiemel’s book : If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?

Please Comment and Share.

xoxo,
Lush

0

RIP, My Facebook Friend Taiwo Adebimpe Layade.

I never met you Taiwo face to face but you were my wonderful Facebook friend.
We meet on facebook in 2010 and we've been friends since then.
I remember our first chat on Facebook.
I was so devasted to read you had passed away.
I never knew you were ill.
I went straight to your IG page to look at your beautiful face again.

I remember commenting on your pictures when you turned 30.
You were a rare gem.
You were always smiling in your pictures.
Oh My Days, You loved Arsenal! You were their number one Fan. I've never seen a female love Arsenal like you did.



You were very cheerful and you were beautiful inside and out.
You were one of those people with a big heart.
You loved God.
You did things effortlessly.

Your charming smile, gentle nature, and beautiful heart will surely be missed.



Rest in Peace, Taiwo Adebimpe.
I pray the Almighty Lord comforts and consoles your beautiful parents and Family.

 

Thanks for reading.
xoxo….. Lush

2

A Letter to my Younger Self

I look into the mirror on the wall as though I were in a fairytale, almost singing Mirror on the wall by Lil’Wayne and Bruno Mars as I peer at my reflection. I see the crow’s feet around my eyes and the laugh lines around my mouth. My goodness! I have really aged. I look closely again at my present reflection and I see the girl that I used to be, so innocent, unaware of what life had to throw her way. Ah! If only the young, innocent girl I see were a reality, not just a phantom that exists in my mind’s eye, I would be able to tell her all what I wish to say and what I now tell young people whenever I get the opportunity.

My Dear! The most important lesson I have learned is this: always ask yourself how you would feel about this decision five, ten years from now. I went on blindly thru life, as though blinkers were on my eyes, blindfolded. If only my future self were a guide to me, a faithful friend I’d be much better off now.
Then, I’d go to parties every weekend with my friends and sister, oblivious to what lay ahead of me in life. I thought I was having fun but I was just chasing shadows. I went from one party to another every weekend, dancing and laughing at those young girls who didn’t wish to go to parties with us.

I was not truly happy as I had no coping skills for the hard times of life. I was afraid to sit quietly and listen within for advice on the best course of action to take. Do not be like me! Should you party away your youth like I did, you will look in the mirror when you are much older and have lots of regrets, just like I do now.

Practice self-discipline in your youth; never be afraid to burn the midnight candle and bury your head in your school books. Do not disregard the admonitions of your teachers who try to make you see the folly of your ways. They too have travelled this path you now tread and they have the same regrets I do now. Had I listened to the loving admonitions of my teachers and lecturers, maybe I would have graduated with a First Class Honours degree from LSBU instead of a 2:1 degree.

Listen within for advice and counsel: there is something within you that knows the wisest course of action to take in any situation. If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. You will never really know the true potentials within you until you try!

Study hard, cultivate hobbies that will bring you money in future. Do not be like me whose hobbies were chatting with friends, partying and listening to music. I wasted so much time on these hobbies and now they are of no use to me in my current life.

Learn to forgive others who may have wronged you, spend time with your parents before life separates you from them.
Develop your sense of self for so much stress is caused by identifying exclusively with how others see us. Be strong, courageous and brave! The world loves a strong personality and delights to award them the highest places of honour in life. It also does not hesitate to wipe its feet on those who fail to acquire inner strength for the vicissitudes of life. Do yourself a favour and be an Amazon.
Your future self will thank you!

Thanks for reading.
xoxo….. Lush

3

Tips on how to Survive in a Harsh Economy

Nigeria is on a collision course with a recession as its destination. Its national debt is at an all-time high. People are not smiling and Terry Tha Rapman’s slogan Boys are not smiling seems to ring true in this times we are in. The question on everybody’s lips is how we can survive the economic hardship that seems to be the lot of the majority of Nigerians.

Below are a few tips on how to survive hard times. Kindly read on to know the core things you need to focus on.

• Revise your priorities.
  In the times we find ourselves, the first thing we need to do is to revise your priorities. In a harsh economy, your priorities ought to shift from luxuries to necessities such as food, clothing and shelter. In our modern economy, we have become spoiled by so many modern conveniences. In a recession, some of these luxuries have to be given up. Have a cellphone? Instead of spending five thousand Naira a month on calls, load N1500 data plan on your phone and tell your contacts that you would prefer to call them via Whatsapp. It is a lot cheaper and nowadays, most mobile phone networks are providing large data bundles for as low as N1000. Take advantage of this opportunity.


• Take advantage of carpooling
  Nowadays, it is a lot easier for you to contribute with a few friends towards fueling your car than doing it alone. Have a couple of friends who work on the Island? Contribute money towards petrol and enjoy the comfort of a car taking you to work. You can rotate amongst your friends. This way you can all save money


• Buy foodstuffs in bulk.
  If you can afford to buy a bag of rice, you save approximately #1 200 on it. Look at it this way: a bag of rice costs at least N18 000. A derica of rice is N350. There are 64 dericas in a 50kg bag of rice, so you get to save N4000 on the bag of rice. The same goes for oil, bouillon cubes, beans and other common things people eat at home. Buying them in bulk helps you to save more money.


• Avoid using the POS wherever possible.
  Pay in cash as much as possible. When you go to shopping malls, avoid using your debit or credit card. This helps you avoid impulse purchases and buyer’s remorse. The best thing is to write a list of the things you wish to buy and resolve not to buy anything else that is not on the list, however tempting it may be.


• Live frugally!
  It is possible to cut back on going to weekend bars, the beach and the movies. Want to have fun? Subscribe for GoTv at N2000 a month, instead of going to the beach where you will end up spending at least twice that amount in a day! Buy a bottle of groundnuts and recline on your favorite couch. Invite friends over to watch the Olympics and enjoy their company in the comfort of your sitting room.


• Have multiple sources of income.
  It is extremely unwise to have a single source of income nowadays. Look around you for things you can do. You can venture into network marketing, beading, an online business and so on.


• Learn to save on your income.
  No matter how little you earn, make sure that you save on whatever you get in a month. You will feel more secure. Start an Esusu group amongst your friends and colleagues.


• Reduce your debt.
  Try to pay off as much debt you have because debt is the first step towards financial misfortune. If you can pay off any debt that you may have, that will do a lot towards improving your lot. It will make you better prepared for handling a job loss or financial emergency.


• Grow Nigeria
  Help grow the economy, avoiding buying imported items and buy made in Nigeria items. It will save you a lot of money.

With the steps outlined above, you can go a long way in surviving in this harsh economy and even thriving in it.

xoxo, Lush

2

Work-Life Balance Isn’t Overrated After all.

I spent 4 and a half years of my adult life working for a company where everything was urgent by default. Every damn thing was always urgent. Clients were always waiting for every release. It's almost felt like the clients would die if I didn't deploy a particular feature. I became worn out. I joined the company as a Systems Analyst but I worked in three other roles: Programme Manager, Quality Assurance Analyst, and Business Analyst.

At a particular time, if I slept I'd dream about work [No, I'm not kidding. It was as bad as that.]Clients would call at night asking how far with the feature I promised to deploy.
Almost two and half years into the job, I started having sharp pains at the back of my head. I didn't know what was wrong. When it started happening frequently, I told a friend Temitope, who emphasised its seriousness and urged me to see a doctor. I went to the doctor and lo and behold! My blood pressure was high. It was 148/100.

Heck! I was just 25 years old. I couldn't tell my Mum. The doctor gave me a sick note for the rest of the week. Silly me, I still went back and continued working. Then I started googling high blood pressure and it hit me. I was in trouble. I might end up having a stroke at 25! That moment, I went to tell the manager that I was going home for the rest of the week. I handed over to her and left.

I had to rethink what was the most important thing to me. While my job was very important to me, I realised I wasn't doing myself any good: in fact, I was killing myself. I was working from 6.30 a.m to 8.30 p.m - 9.00p.m almost every day. I realized that I was not doing myself, my career or my family any good by not having work-life balance.
I wasn't going out much and when I did, I always thought of work. I stayed indoors most weekends just because I had to rest always.

Not having a work-life balance wore me out quickly. I'm sure I looked way older than my age. I loved my job, was very passionate about it but I worked round the clock. This always left me too drained to do anything else. I started resenting my job. I became very tired. A lot of people had expectations and they didn't care if I slept in the office every day to meet those expectations.
I didn't have a persona outside of work. At a particular time, my whole life was centred around work. Most of my friends were also my work colleagues. We would go out together and I even lived with one of them at a time. Keeping in touch with friends outside work seemed like a lot of HARD work.
In the last year, I didn't even have time for my daughter. I always left the house around 5.30 a.m and won't get back till about 8 p.m, sometimes 10, 11 p.m if I worked late. I knew something had to be done.

I can categorically say a lot of Nigerians do not have work-life balance especially those working on the Island in Lagos. Work-Life balance is needed so that you can work on your personal business, goals, and dreams. If you don't have work-life balance you won't have time to work on your goals and dreams. Who knew I would ever start blogging?
Right now, I have a great work-life balance. I leave work at 5.30 p.m, pick up my daughter from her minder's and we are home before 7 p.m. We have dinner and have fun till we sleep. I write my blog post for the next day.

Bottom line

• Stop taking work home. Leave work at work!


• Your weekend are your off days. Go out and have fun


• Don't give client/customers your mobile number. They should call your extension at work during work hours.


• Create time for you passions, goals and dreams.


• Prioritize your tasks at work using a to-do list.


• Go out more with your friends

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Do you want to share your story about work-life balance?
Please email me lush@lushmoments.com or comment below.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo..... Lush

2

Birth Story – Reader's Mail Double Delivery Experience 1

Every child is unique and special and as such they come into our beautiful world in their peculiar ways.

Looking back at what I am about to share is a blessing because indeed God is an awesome Father. I had my first son jayden on the 21st of august 2013 at 35 weeks at Royal Oak hospital festac. Its wasn't a fun experience as I had to be inducted to deliver him. I was admitted the day before and the induction started to open the cervix as it wasnt ripe yet. All night I was in pain  like those with serious menstrual cramps and didn't realise that a greater pain was coming.

 At 6am the next morning I was moved to the labour ward and the induction started for 5 hours i was on 2cm and the doctors decided I wasnt progressing fast and made other plans on cs but my mum kept building my faith to be strong. The finger examinations were crazy and my water was broken by the doctors i laboured from 6am to 6pm before my baby came .

My second handsome prince came at 36weeks also through induction but amazingly the whole process took just 3 hours which started at 6am to 9am . That was a short process although it came with the pains.

Having to birth in a hospital you are most comfortable with and your history isn't new to them is the best thing an expectant mum can do for herself to prep her psychologically for her big day.

Thanks Susan for sending your story in.

1st delivery they say is always longer, may be that's why the second delivery was fast. Thank God for safe delivery.

If you want to share your birth stories, please send me an email. lush@lushmoments.com or comment below.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo….. Lush

0

Birth Story - My Birth Experience in Nigeria

On the 13th of August, 2014, I gave birth to the little miss on the right. She was 38+5 weeks. My labour started at about 10.20 am, I had no idea I was In labour, then It started becoming more intense, At about 12pm, It started happening every 10mins, then I knew this was it.

I called my mum who was on her way to Mile 12 market to come back home. My mum was busy asking me Kilode? What happened? I’m just told her mummy, ma yin ja o. [I will fight with you oh! ] She understood immediately and made her way back home. My big mum was home, she offered me some rice and Malta Guinness (the amount of Malta Guinness I had during Kayla’s pregnancy ehn!).

I ate my rice slowly, then I called my consultant, He said to make my way to the hospital. I couldn’t finish eating the rice as the contractions started happening everything 4 mins. I was busy timing the contractions on my phone with one contractions app.

Then I called my hubby, he was at work in London. I told him I’m going to the hospital to have Kayla [Yes, we named her already before we had her] His response Babe, I’m sorry I couldn’t witness it but I will leave here tonight. [in my mind I said …Iwo jebi…. I was so pissed he wasn't around] My mum calmed me down, We got to the hospital, I was smiling. I met a colleague's wife there… She was trying to gist with me… Please who gists with a woman in labour? … Lol

Doctor checked and she was so surprised I was already 7cm dilated and I was that calm. She walked me upstairs [Yes.. No lift] herself and told them to get me in a delivery room ASAP. It was about 2pm. We were told they have only delivery room and it’s being used. I was still calm. I was very calm during Kayla’s pregnancy, my colleagues at Interswitch Limited always said Fade, you should get pregnant always… Who knew you could ever be this calm and nice… Lol

So, they put me in another room to wait for them to clean up and prep the delivery room. My water didn’t break so I didn’t experience that. A male doctor came poked his hands inside me and broke the water. It was boiling hot water, I couldn’t phantom I was carrying just hot water around and I didn’t know… I guess that’s why prem babies are put in incubators.

My mum was trying to record everything, I told her to but at some point. She couldn’t continue recording it as the pains were more intense and she couldn’t stand iseeing me in so much pain.

Around 3pm, I was called to come into the delivery room. Then we started waiting for small madam to make her grand appearance. At this time, I was asking for all sorts! Epidural, Gas, Spinal. They didn’t have Gas, I was told they couldn’t epidural or Spinal as it would affect Kayla. I might give birth to her sleeping and they might not be able to resuscitate her.... Fear catch me. Then I start speaking in British Accent. I remember some nurses came in to look at who was speaking British English in the hospital. It was hilarious.

While I was in pains, I was still very lively, I made jokes with my mum. I remember telling the midwife to constantly rub my back, I said “Aunty, please rub my back, mummy isn’t rubbing it well.” Bless her, she was really nice. She rubbed it till I told her not to stop.

Then when it was about 4pm. I was contracting every 1.5 mins and I was 9cm dilate. This minute I wanted to go for a walk, next minute I wanted to Poop... next minute I wanted to puke. I was technically all shades of messed up.

Bless my mum... She told the midwife to give me Syntocinon drip that it would help with the dilation. As soon as the drip was passed into my blood. Goodness, I could feel the contents crawl up my hands and I yanked it off. My midwife emphasised why I needed the drip and she inserted the drip back in my vein and she even promised me I'd have my baby before 4.30pm. I looked at the time, it was 4.17pm. I was like…. is this woman on crack?

Low and behold at around 4.25pm I felt the urge the push and I told her. Then she said Push... Stupid me, guess what I did? I shut my laps while my baby's head was coming. My mum pulled one lap and the midwife pulled the other lap and I saw she held up a pair of scissors.Before I knew it she had cut me! Then I asked her. Did you cut me? She said yes. I told her I didn’t feel a thing. She smiled and said your baby is coming. Then the urge to push came again. I push just twice and she was out. The time was 4.29pm.

Goodness, my midwife placed her on my stomach and I tried to carry her up just because I wanted to see her face but I couldn't. She was very slippery and I didn’t have the energy to carry a slippery baby.

I simply ran my palm through her hair and skin then I heard can I carry her now. I said yes, that moment the midwife separated us. She cut the umbilical cord and I heard my baby cry for the first time. Then I asked my mum, Mummy why is she crying? [I knew I was expecting a girl so I didn’t ask for her sex]. My mum smiled and said she has to cry. She's a living baby. Kayla weighed a whopping 3.86kg at birth.

Then my mum dropped to floor to Thank God. Her only child had just given birth. She's no longer olo mo kan [A woman that has only one child] While #MyYumYum was been cleaned, I was been cleaned also [Getting the placenta out and sewing my cut.]

I cried uncontrollably seeing her first time. I don’t know why I cried that much but I so much cried. During this time my mum was busy taking pictures of her granddaughter. I gave birth to my daughter at Lagoon Hospitals, Ikeja.  and overall. I’d give them 7 out of 10 for the delivery.

Bottom Line

• Always ask questions if you don't understand! They will look at you one kind but sha ask. The answer is what you need

• Have someone that knows this stuffs with you. I had my mum by my side and if she didn’t request for Syntocinon I will probably be there in pains for a longer period.

• Have a birth plan although they do not really follow such in Nigeria and If you want any anaesthetic. It's best to inform your consultant/midwife before delivery date [I didn’t have one and I wish I had requested for epidural beforehand. The pain was out of this world]

• Do you research well, pick a good hospital. Don’t pick a hospital because of it's name. It matters a lot.

If you want to share your birth stories, please send me an email. lush@lushmoments.com or comment below.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo..... Lush

 

26

My love letter to DealDey

I got this email from DealDey saying they've missed me .... theheheheheehehehe

My love letter to DealDey,

Miss you guys too. I haven't shopped a deals site since I left Nigeria last year July.
I still browse your website to see almost every week.
Thanks for reaching out DealDey. I have filled the survey too.

Isn't it amazing that a Nigerian Company cares about us (their customers?).
If you haven't shopped on DealDey.... mehn you've been missing out on fantastic deals!

DealDey features a daily deal on the best things to do, see, eat, and buy in Nigeria. DealDey is an easy and fun way to get fantastic deals on great experiences. They support local businesses and in return they support consumers with good savings. They've created a "Win-Win" scenario each and every day for local merchants who want to attract new customers and consumers who want to save money and take advantage great services and activities in their own city.

Visit them at www.deadldey.com

xoxo, Lush

2

All that Glitters isn't Gold

Demilade was unhappy.   She had a husband who, in her friends’ opinion was a bum.  Her best friend, Jola would tell her of how she should stop helping him financially as he was spending all her money on women and drugs.  Her husband was in between jobs and often asked her for money.  But Demilade was confused.  She was kindhearted and could not imagine being firm with her husband.  Oh dear, what was she going to do?

“Dear, I need to go for a job interview in two days’ time.”

“What interview?” Demi asked brusquely.

“An interview with ARM life.”
“Where exactly  is the interview taking place?” she asked, mentally picturing to herself just how much she would have to spend on his transport fare.

“Lekki phase one.” They lived in Iju.

“Man, that’s some far place!” Demi exclaimed.

“And I know you are expecting me to give you the transport fare, right?”

“Yes, please.”

“OK.” Demi sighed as she counted out some money and gave him.  He was happy and asked her to pray for him that all would turn out well during the interview.

Two days’ later, she was seated with her best friend Jola over a cup of coffee.  Jola casually asked Demi about her husband and she told her that he was at an interview.

“Did you give him transport fare?”

“What will a sister do for a man in need?” Demi responded.

“Nonsense! How on earth do you expect him to man up and become the head of the family when you give him money?”

“Well…”

“Listen, I don’t take shit from my husband and that is why he respects me.  Were I in your shoes, I’d have left that good-for-nothing man that calls himself your husband.  The effrontery of the whole thing!” Jola hissed.

Demi went away depressed.  She had already refused to give her husband her car to drive, saying that it needed repairs.  This was with the advice of Jola, who felt she was spoiling her husband. Which other punitive measure was she supposed to take against her beloved husband?

It was late.  Her husband was yet to return.  Annoyance surged within her.  What was that good-for-nothing man of hers up to this time around? How long does it take for one to return from an interview?  She decided to go to her friend’s house and vent over a much-needed cup of cocoa.  She got into her car and drove down to Jola’s place.

When she got there, she alighted from her car and went to the door.  She knocked on the door with brass door knocker but there was no reply. Demi went to the window to check on her friend.  What she saw surprised her.

“Foolish woman, how dare you look thru my phone?” Jola’s husband thundered as he cracked a hot slap across her face.

“I didn’t look thru your phone.  I only picked the call that came thru on it.”

“And why is my dinner not yet ready?” he asked as he kicked her.

“I’m sorry!” Jola said in between sobs.  “It was because my friend Demi came over.  I lost track of time.”

“What do you see in that good-for-nothing friend of yours?” her husband asked sarcastically.  “Look, I never want you to mention her name in this house again.  Find a way of cutting her out of your life, do you hear me?”

“Yes, my husband. I will do as you say.”

“Now go and prepare my dinner for me!”

Demi went away deep in thought.  She could hardly believe her eyes.  When she got home, she met her husband in the doorway.

“Honey, I got the job!”

“You did?” she asked excitedly.

“Oh yes, I did. And I came back late because I had to buy some gifts for you to celebrate and as a way of saying thank you for your patience.  I love you very much, Demi!

Tears welled up in her eyes.  She could barely prevent the tears from spilling onto her cheeks.  She whispered huskily, “I love you too, my Dear!”

“Why are you crying?” her husband asked with concern.  “Are you not happy that I’ve gotten a job?”

“I am, trust me, I am.  I just feel overwhelmed.”

“Don’t be.”

Later that night, as Demi lay beside her husband, she thought about the events that happened during the day.  She would have lost her marriage if not for God’s timely intervention in her life.  Imagine, she was heeding Jola’s advice while she couldn’t even hold the fort in her own marriage!  Na wa oh.  Her husband truly did not deserve her.  How could she make it up to him? She wondered.

The story illustrated above tells us of the need to stop envying other women’s marriages.  Most of the women we envy do not have it as rosy as we do.  Some have to bear with philandering husbands, abusive men, drug addicts and so on.  Others are just good at exaggerating the rosiness of their marriages while dying silently inside it.  The grass always appears greener on the other side of the fence but it may just be a mirage, an optical illusion.

Now that we know, we would do well to avoid heeding advice that is likely to break up our marriages.  Marriage is a lifelong union we have to work at.  Try to be supportive to your spouse and always remember the wisdom in giving him the benefit of the doubt!

Till next time.... xoxo .. Lush

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6 Kinda Things Many First Time Mums Have to Contend with

Nigerian mothers are a set of mothers who are much-loved for disciplinary yet loving methods at child training, however new mothers can sometimes face a really challenging time with their babies.

Every baby is different and every mother is different. A lot of people don’t understand this, so some people make it a point of duty to give new mums, whether the advice is asked for or not. Learning from the experiences of others but not taking it as gospel if you feel differently, is key.

Below are 6 kind of things many new mums have to contend with:

Babies are uncontrollable
Ever been in a commercial bus and the woman sitting near you has an active baby strapped to her back to sitting on her lap, then suddenly the child starts to play with or even pull your hair, ear ring, bag or shirt and at first its all fun and game until you start to get annoyed but can’t show it because its just a baby. Well, news flash!!! That’s what kids do and even yours will do the same, so new mums shouldn’t feel embarrassed when this happens. One day, I was in out doing some shopping and there she goes, screaming, fighting and crying she wanted to get down from her buggy and run round the store! I jejely dropped my shopping bag and left the store.

Everyone knows better than you
As long as it is your first child, you definitely going to hear different kind of things from different people on the same subject. For instance, you wrap your baby up in the sun, someone is going to say the weather is too hot, don’t wrap her up like that, you don’t wrap her up in the sun someone is going to say ‘please wrap the baby up, its sunny and the baby is too fragile for all that sun. So at the end its left to you to what you think is right for you and your baby.

Is that a boy or girl?
A lot of people ask this type of question a lot and the truth is, they do not recognize how annoying that question sounds. You see a baby in a dress and you still go on to ask if the baby is a girl or a boy. So I was at the airport and this lady ask me if my baby was a boy or a girl because she had no hair then. Note: #MyYumYum was wearing a fuchsia pink dress and a a light pink headband and she was wearing earrings! If you really can’t tell a baby’s gender, ask a question like, “How is your baby doing?” I’d will likely follow up with, “She is doing great, but she just started teething!” Find out the gender without making a us feel like she has a gender-less child.

Carrying your baby always
Most new mums have probably heard this phrase: “you’re going to spoil him by holding him so much. You should just let him cry it out. ”I heard it countless times. Even those who committed the offense in their own time make it a point of duty to remind you how you should just drop your baby and go because holding her too much would make her addicted to be held. “Hello… I just want to bond with my baby! Leave us alone” I’d scream in my head.

It only gets worse
When parents are in that newborn phase — no sleep, constant feedings, and no time for themselves — sometimes all they have to keep their sanity is the knowledge that it will get better, but some ‘know it all’ old mums make it worse by saying the work keeps getting more tedious. Please say nice things!

Your baby is big oh!
After pushing a 4kg baby out of me. I believe I should be able to take good care of that baby. A lot of people say so many stuffs! Fade, Ha! Your baby is too big o! What outfit age is she wearing now?! What are you feeding her? I think you’re feeding this baby too much! Goodness. Na my Pidkin, Go born yours oh!

I’d say, get to know your baby and know what works for the two of you!

Sharing is Caring. Please comment and Share!

xoxo,
Lush

 

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Readers Mail - Living in Limbo and Better Life Seeker

Living in Limbo, No way forward.

Lush,
I've been since Feb 2013. My hubby and I live in different countries and we didn't see regularly. He comes to my base about 2ce a year. My visa application has been rejected twice so I can't visit him. We have no children.
I've been telling my husband that we should apply for my spouse visa so that I can join him but he keeps giving me one excuse or the other.
A friend of him lives in the same province as him so they see each other regularly. They live around the same area. Over the weekend, my friend called me and gave me a bad news, my husband of three is married with 2 kids to a white lady.
I don't know how to confront him. I wish I can travel there to see him and we can talk face to face. We talk every day and we Skype. He recently sent me an iPhone so that we can FaceTime and we've FaceTiming for the past two months. We do late at night calls.
My friend sent me a picture of him, his wife and kids. For your eyes only Lush.
I don't know if my friend is lying.
My hubby has no concrete reason why we can't apply for spouse visa.
I'm sitting in limbo.
I'm 34 years old o Lush.
Where will I start from if this man actually has a family?

My response:
Gosh, I wish I can tell you to move on but its difficult. Get his parents/family involved. Also try to talk [Do not fight] to him before you make any decision. Good luck

---

Better Life Seeker

I'm 45 years old and I have no children. I was working as a security officer a few years back in Dubai when I met this beautiful lady.

She told me she was 40. I was 37. She was married before. She had 3 kids from her previous marriage. I don't have any. We got to know each other and I really liked her. I was a security officer in the hotel she stays whenever she visits Dubai. She would invite me into her room when I'm not working. We had sex on several occasions.

She lives in the US. She invited me over the US. I liked US. In Dubai, I lived in a shared accommodation with 6 of us in a room. It was pretty shitty and I earned only AED 1250 ($340) a month. So I wanted a better life and she knew I wanted a better life.

On a second visit to the US, we decided to get married and after we got married. She filed for my Visa and all. I'm now an American Citizen. Thanks to her.

The issue is, she lied about her age and she's currently 64 years old and she can't have children again. We met 8 years ago. She's very lucky and she doesn't look her age at all.

Now, I'm 45 years old and I have no child and she can't give me a child. I want to marry a young girl in Nigeria so that I can have kids.

Will she forgive me? I do love my wife dearly.

My response.
Oga, You opened your eyes clearly and married an old woman and you now you got the better the life you've always wanted and you want to leave her for a younger lady. Think twice. Don't bite the finger that fed you.

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Why must it be a Man's World?

In our patriarchal society, it is not uncommon for us to value the boy child over the girl child. Here are a few examples taken from real life that illustrate this.

I have a friend, Titi who got married five years ago. When she gave birth to her first child, it turned out to be a girl. She was happy because she adored girl babies. In her mind, she would have a nice time dressing up her little one who would look like a Barbie doll. Until her husband spoke to her.
“Titi, my father says that he needs a grandson. I do hope that the next baby we are going to have will be a boy.”
“I hope so too, my dear husband. I really hope so too.”

Two years later, she got pregnant. When she went for the ultrasound scan, it turned out to be a girl! Oh dear, what was she going to do? She went to see the doctor.
“Doctor, I have a question for you.”
“Go right ahead Dear.”
“Is it possible for the sex of a baby to be changed in the womb? I have heard stories of how a baby changed from male to female in the womb.”

The doctor laughed at her. “Of course not, at least there is no such method known to medical science that can help with this.” He said, barely stifling his mirth.
She went away disappointed. When she gave birth, she named her daughter Nkechinyere (her husband was Igbo) meaning The one God has given me is the one I will take. She almost fell into a deep depression but for the timely intervention of her mother, who encouraged her to be hopeful and other things being equal, her next child would be a boy.
“But Mum, I wanted to have only two children. Do you have any idea of how hard pregnancy has been on me? How can I go through that again?” She said in response to her mother’s encouragement.
“Take heart, my daughter. The next one will be easier on your body, I assure you.”

If only Titi could meet another of my friends, Dami! Dami is a young woman who already has a daughter and is pregnant again. Dami has always been a nonconformist who never cared for what society thought of her decisions. She went about telling whoever cared to listen that she wanted a healthy baby, regardless of the sex of the baby. I remember a most interesting conversation she had with a woman who prayed for her to have a baby boy.
“Iya ibeji, how are you?” The woman asked her. Iya ibeji was the name given to a pregnant woman and it meant mother of twins.
“I’m fine Mummy Clever.”
“You will have a baby boy in the next few months in Jesus’ name! That is my prayer for you.”
“Honestly, I really don’t care whether I have a boy or a girl,” Dami responded, cutting the woman off. “All I want is a healthy baby. Children are a gift from God, regardless of sex.”
“But what of your husband? Doesn’t he want a boy? You know how men are.”
“Well, I’m very fortunate that my husband is not sexist. He is just like me, doesn’t really care.” She replied.
“You are very lucky. I wish my husband were like yours,” the woman replied wistfully. She then proceeded to tell us of her sister-in-law who had five girls and was trying for a boy.

Her husband wanted only three children but the poor woman was trying to consolidate her stay in her matrimonial home. She was afraid that her husband would kick her out if she did not give him a son. Her name was Ama and she was called Ama 5 girls by the extended family. Hers was a family that valued boy children, as if women were useless! She hissed as she finished recounting her tale.
You know, I can barely suppress a chuckle as I think of these three friends of mine. You know why? Because I know of a couple who have four boys and the woman wants to have a girl. She feels left out in the home, being the only woman in a family of five males excluding the houseboy. She has disagreements with her husband over her desire to have a girl.
“My husband, why don’t you want to grant my desire to have a girl?” Mrs Juwon asked.
“Why don’t you want to grant my desire to have a girl?” her husband parodied her.
“I’m serious. I feel lonely and I wish that I had a little girl to play with.”
“Four children is full house. If you want to play with something, buy a Barbie doll! I don’t want to hear of this nonsense again. Do you know how hard it is on me to feed and cater for the needs of the whole family? Woman, don’t disturb me again.”

Mrs. Juwon turned away unhappily. Why won’t her husband see reason with her? If she had given birth to four girls, he would pounce on her every night in a bid to have a boy! Now, he is complacent. It’s all good!
These are stories taken from real life that illustrate the obsession with boy children in our Nigerian society. I have heard horror stories of how women were kicked out of their matrimonial homes for not giving birth to a male child! It is as bad as that.

I have a girl who will be two years old this month thehehhehehe! and heaven knows I'm pleased with any sex God gives me as our second child.

I do hope that with time, the trend will change from this and shift to an equal appreciation of whichever child one gives birth to.

Well, a girl is allowed to dream!

xoxo, Lush

 

 

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Keeping Up With The Joneses

I was told a short story by a friend when I was in Secondary school.  Vivian told me of when they lived in Olodi Apapa.  They had a neighbour who was always envious of them and felt they were in competition with each other.  Once, Vivian’s parents bought new bicycles for the children. The neighbours followed suit.  Then Vivian’s parents bought a dog for the family.  The neighbours soon bought a puppy for the little ones.  This little game continued until Vivian’s parents bought a car.  The neighbours were unable to buy a car and went about with long faces because of this.

This short story illustrates the dangers of trying to keep up with the Joneses.  True, we can be inspired by the good deeds of others and use that as a stimulus for our own actions but we should never degenerate into envy.  It is really sad whenever I see a couple who can barely afford to eat three square meals a day borrowing left, right and centre to organize their kid’s birthday party.  Vanity, that is what it is.

This brings another story to mind.  I used to know a couple who always travelled abroad, had the finest clothes, drove the latest models of cars in town and generally lived a very expensive life.  One day, they had a quarrel with a usurer (moneylender) and it turned out that they were just living a borrowed life and were neck deep in debt.  Of course, the usurer took all his money from them and they were left with nothing!  It was sad.

One thing many of those in the banking industry and those in the corporate world do is borrow left, right and centre all in a bid to live a corporate life.  Many fail to realize that the best thing is to live within one’s means and avoid borrowing.  I have seen cases of couples who borrow to buy cars, wed, travel, pay for medicare etc. all because of the fact that they have extravagant tastes and cannot live within their means.  If such a person gets laid off, as happens in many cases, they have a lot of debt to settle and very little savings in their bank account.

Genteel poverty is defined by Oxford learners’ dictionaries as trying to keep the style of a high social class, but with little money.  Genteel poverty is what motivates many people to borrow to attend the latest events in town, do what we call packaging in Nigeria, acquire possessions etc.  I assume that most of my readers have been acquainted with men and women who have many fancy possessions, cars, houses and so on but on closer acquaintance, it is seen that these people are as poor as those of lower socio-economic classes are.  This is why it is not good for a lady to be deceived by a man’s outward trappings.  Many women have fallen victim to such men and begin to wonder why a man can have three cars but can’t afford to take her to a fancy restaurant or pay for her hairdo.

I am not a minimalist, but I believe very much in restrained elegance, whereby a person who has wealth comes off as looking classy without spending so much and looking ostentatious.  We should realize that many people are imitative by nature and try to outdo their neighbours and acquaintances in whatever they do.  This is the major reason why many people buy things, not because they really need such things, but because of the desire to belong.  It is refreshing to see a rich person who dresses simply, buys cars that are not too expensive and lives in a modest house.  Such people are often admired and called humble by those who know them well.  No matter how much or little money you have, your goal should always be restrained elegance.  There is no need to go to another extreme whereby a rich person spends a lot of money trying to look poor in order not to arouse the envy and hatred of others.  Money is meant to be enjoyed and if you have it, spend, save and invest it!

Nigeria is heading for an economic recession and people are led astray.  Many people imagine that Nigeria is a rich country because we see people drive expensive cars, wear fancy clothes, throw large parties and build big houses.  The thing is that most economists define wealth as the length of time one can live at their current standard of living if their source of income were cut off or if they became incapacitated.  Unfortunately, most of the ‘rich’ people we see are not able to live at their current standard of living for more than three months if something happens to their source of income.   This places upon us the responsibility to live within our means, plan, budget and save so that we can invest and help the Nigerian economy grow. A trip to your bank will help you if you are unable to afford the services of a financial planner.

If you are working in a corporate organization with fringe benefits such as a car, house, medicare, and so on, it is best to live within your means.  Do not get accustomed to living an extravagant lifestyle you will be unable to keep up with when you have to leave the company.  Plan and save towards a house, a car of your own and landed properties and have the sense to invest.

Here’s to a financially accountable future!

xoxo,
Lush

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Mail from a Male Reader: Girlfriend dumped him after 6 years

Lush, I'm a 35 years old man. I work in a bank in Lagos, I'm single. I dated a girl for 6 years. I wanted to make money before we got married. She's a model in Nigeria, upcoming one though but she is doing good. I worked for the old Bank PHB. In fact we met there. This lady messed me up, Fade.

She got sacked from the bank and started modelling. I supported her because it was what she wanted to do and I really wanted to do something that makes her happy. She got carried away and started messing up big up. The money came  and this girl started mis-behaving. She stopped calling or picking my calls, she stopped visiting me, she always claimed she's busy

.

Its always work. I was happy for her. I waited and waited for this girl. Just last week, she told me not to wait for her anymore and she's no longer interested and it's the peak of her career. She's 29 years old and I really think she should be ready for marriage.

I heard she has another boyfriend, I'm really broken Lush, please help me.

This is her email address email address xxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com, Please Lush, Can you help me talk to her?

My Comments:
I'm not an alarena but I promise to try my best. But oga, you messed up big time. You shoulda put on a ring on it. You remind me of another friend of mine, I’ve been begging him for ages to put a ring on it. He keeps telling they are together, and he’s so certain she can’t leave him.

My 2 cents to all guys currently dating good girls, don’t wait… in fact why wait? My sister had her hubby got married within months of getting to know each other.

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Family Planning is Very Essential

Mrs. Dipeolu was a young woman in her early thirties.  When she was a newly-married woman, she witnessed the death of an aunt who died of complications from the birth of her sixth child.  It was then she resolved to have nothing more than two children.

Unfortunately, her plan was never actualized. She knew of no way to actualize this and after two illegal abortions that almost left her dead. She’s terrified of doing it again and she is pregnant with her fourth child as we speak.  She is often tired from looking after three energetic and hyperactive children and her husband was just a trader in the market.  Obviously, his income was not enough to look after the family and she became malnourished.

She belonged to a sect that believed it was a woman’s primary responsibility to bear as many children as possible, after all God takes care of the birds in the sky and feeds the chickens who have many chicks.  This caused a lot of conflict within her.  On one hand, she wanted to live according to the dictates of her faith while on the other hand, she wanted to be free of financial and health worries.  She was confused.

Mr. Joju was a man who felt he wanted to have just two kids in life.  While he was dating, he discussed the topic of children with his fiancée who said she wanted to have six children.  He did not take her seriously as he felt he was the man of the family and it was the woman’s duty to obey her husband.

When he got married, his first child was a boy.  He was ecstatic and planned to have a girl to complete the family circuit.  Three years later, his wife gave birth to a set of twins! He was none too pleased but he felt, well it’s just three kids and hopefully he’d be able to look after them.  He had made plans with his wife to get an IUD so that she won’t get pregnant again.  His wife had other plans.

Two years later, his wife got pregnant.  It turned out that she never went to be fitted for an IUD.  The man was very unhappy.  He pleaded and begged his wife to get an abortion but she refused.  Some months later, she gave birth to another set of twins.  This was the last straw. Mr. Joju walked out on the marriage and left the five young children for the woman to bring up all by herself.  She had many tearful nights where she regretted ever trying to have more kids than her husband was willing to look after.  Alas, it was too late, as Mr. Joju was never seen again.

The examples cited above might sound extreme, but they are taken from real life. In our economy that is fast heading for a recession, we need to consider the fact that one cannot afford to breed like rats! Gone are the days where a couple chose to have as many kids as suited them just because they felt more was strength.  We need to consider the fact that the world is becoming overpopulated and Nigeria is just slightly larger than Texas, a state in USA.  Nigeria has a population of 170 million people and is projected to hit 200 million by 2050.  As it is, we are the 7^th most populated country in the world, and this should make us realize that this is partly why we are in the economic mess we find ourselves in as the country does not have enough resources to go around.  People often imagine that Nigeria is a rich country but as Charles Soludo was reported to have said when he was the governor of CBN, where all the money of Nigeria distributed equally, each person would have approximately $325, which is not as much as one would imagine.  This places upon us the responsibility to curtail our desire to breed like rats.

Added to this is the fact that with each passing generation, it becomes harder for one to raise children.  In the days of old, women had the help of the whole community in raising their kids but nowadays, people are more concerned with looking for their daily bread than with helping to raise another woman’s kids.  This means that one has to bear this in mind as childrearing is time, money and emotion consuming.

For those who want to control their fertility, I advise you to go to the nearest family planning clinic in your community for help with this.  I am not a medical personnel but I do know that there are a lot of options available for a couple who wish to control their fertility.  Some of these are birth control pills, male and female condoms, diaphragm, spermicide, Intrauterine devices, birth control implants among others.  The best thing is to see a doctor who will advise you on the best one to pick based on your physiology and needs.

For the women out there, always remember that childrearing is primarily a woman’s responsibility.  Do not let yourself be talked into having more children than  you are comfortable with because it has been shown that men feel a biological need to have as many children as possible, usually because all they invest is their sperm and money. This is why they are more likely to be promiscuous because biologically and evolutionally, they are trying  to ensure the continuance of their lineage! It might sound harsh to my male readers out there, but remember this and consider your woman’s health and emotional resources whenever the urge to breed comes over you.

Everything changes when a woman is pregnant. She’s usually not herself all through the period of the pregnancy and beyond that, although some woman say they love being pregnant. Majority of us don’t.

Till tomorrow…

xoxo,
Lush

1

Lady Collapses on the Train

I was on my way to work this morning. I got the overground service from Peckham Rye to Clapham Junction.

I was jejely napping on the train when I heard a hard sound on the floor. I woke up and there's was a lady on the floor. She was in track pants and a tank top.

She had just collapsed and fell on the ground. People rallied around her. This lady wasn't breathing properly and she was still on the floor. An ambulance was called, the driver of the train was called. People started screaming asking if there are any Doctors and Nurses on the train. Sadly there's was none.

I was already crying. When she fell, she was holding her passport. Someone checked her passport to get her name. They kept on calling her name Kiera. She wasn't responding. They poured some water on her face. She still didn't respond. A particular kept on saying stay with me. She didn't respond. The guy said her breathing was very shallow.

She turned blue within minutes. We got to Clapham Junction. I couldn't wait for paramedics to get there before I left. I left in pieces. She's young and I'm certain this lady below 30 years old.

Please if you feel slightest headache or pain in your body. Please do not do any self-medication. It's best to have an opinion of a professional. I'm in still tears as I write this.

Has anyone witness such before? Pls drop a comment.

Enjoy your day people.
xoxo,
Lush

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Mail from a Reader - Betrayal of the highest order.

Lush, I've been a follower since you've been using @lushglamweddings
I got married to my boyfriend when I was 22 years old. I'm from a very rich family in Nigeria. My Dad left us with a lot of fortune. My man graduated from university when he was 26 years old. He came to my dads company when i met him. He was looking so fine. Anyway, He got a job with us. I was already working there.

Fast forward 9 years, we are still trying to conceive, my hubby started dating a young girl in the office. We all work in the same office. This girl got pregnancy and gave birth to a girl for him. People wondered who the father of the baby is, she lied and her boyfriend lives abroad. Then last month, she popped another baby, a baby boy this time.

My hubby moved out of our home and moved in with this girl. He left me all alone. I found out from colleagues at work where he's living. I confronted him and he didn't deny it. He called names, bastard,barren, prostitute and all sorts. I'm sad within me, Lush. I want to kill this guy. He's made me really sad. I'm depressed. My late dad made him. Apparently this guy has been stealing from the company. He runs another business now and he has even stolen some of our important clients.
Please lush, I beg you.. please do not reveal my identity.

 

My comments:
I don't know what to say. But please DO NOT COMMIT MURDER.

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