In our patriarchal society, it is not uncommon for us to value the boy child over the girl child. Here are a few examples taken from real life that illustrate this.
I have a friend, Titi who got married five years ago. When she gave birth to her first child, it turned out to be a girl. She was happy because she adored girl babies. In her mind, she would have a nice time dressing up her little one who would look like a Barbie doll. Until her husband spoke to her.
“Titi, my father says that he needs a grandson. I do hope that the next baby we are going to have will be a boy.”
“I hope so too, my dear husband. I really hope so too.”
Two years later, she got pregnant. When she went for the ultrasound scan, it turned out to be a girl! Oh dear, what was she going to do? She went to see the doctor.
“Doctor, I have a question for you.”
“Go right ahead Dear.”
“Is it possible for the sex of a baby to be changed in the womb? I have heard stories of how a baby changed from male to female in the womb.”
The doctor laughed at her. “Of course not, at least there is no such method known to medical science that can help with this.” He said, barely stifling his mirth.
She went away disappointed. When she gave birth, she named her daughter Nkechinyere (her husband was Igbo) meaning The one God has given me is the one I will take. She almost fell into a deep depression but for the timely intervention of her mother, who encouraged her to be hopeful and other things being equal, her next child would be a boy.
“But Mum, I wanted to have only two children. Do you have any idea of how hard pregnancy has been on me? How can I go through that again?” She said in response to her mother’s encouragement.
“Take heart, my daughter. The next one will be easier on your body, I assure you.”
If only Titi could meet another of my friends, Dami! Dami is a young woman who already has a daughter and is pregnant again. Dami has always been a nonconformist who never cared for what society thought of her decisions. She went about telling whoever cared to listen that she wanted a healthy baby, regardless of the sex of the baby. I remember a most interesting conversation she had with a woman who prayed for her to have a baby boy.
“Iya ibeji, how are you?” The woman asked her. Iya ibeji was the name given to a pregnant woman and it meant mother of twins.
“I’m fine Mummy Clever.”
“You will have a baby boy in the next few months in Jesus’ name! That is my prayer for you.”
“Honestly, I really don’t care whether I have a boy or a girl,” Dami responded, cutting the woman off. “All I want is a healthy baby. Children are a gift from God, regardless of sex.”
“But what of your husband? Doesn’t he want a boy? You know how men are.”
“Well, I’m very fortunate that my husband is not sexist. He is just like me, doesn’t really care.” She replied.
“You are very lucky. I wish my husband were like yours,” the woman replied wistfully. She then proceeded to tell us of her sister-in-law who had five girls and was trying for a boy.
Her husband wanted only three children but the poor woman was trying to consolidate her stay in her matrimonial home. She was afraid that her husband would kick her out if she did not give him a son. Her name was Ama and she was called Ama 5 girls by the extended family. Hers was a family that valued boy children, as if women were useless! She hissed as she finished recounting her tale.
You know, I can barely suppress a chuckle as I think of these three friends of mine. You know why? Because I know of a couple who have four boys and the woman wants to have a girl. She feels left out in the home, being the only woman in a family of five males excluding the houseboy. She has disagreements with her husband over her desire to have a girl.
“My husband, why don’t you want to grant my desire to have a girl?” Mrs Juwon asked.
“Why don’t you want to grant my desire to have a girl?” her husband parodied her.
“I’m serious. I feel lonely and I wish that I had a little girl to play with.”
“Four children is full house. If you want to play with something, buy a Barbie doll! I don’t want to hear of this nonsense again. Do you know how hard it is on me to feed and cater for the needs of the whole family? Woman, don’t disturb me again.”
Mrs. Juwon turned away unhappily. Why won’t her husband see reason with her? If she had given birth to four girls, he would pounce on her every night in a bid to have a boy! Now, he is complacent. It’s all good!
These are stories taken from real life that illustrate the obsession with boy children in our Nigerian society. I have heard horror stories of how women were kicked out of their matrimonial homes for not giving birth to a male child! It is as bad as that.
I have a girl who will be two years old this month thehehhehehe! and heaven knows I'm pleased with any sex God gives me as our second child.
I do hope that with time, the trend will change from this and shift to an equal appreciation of whichever child one gives birth to.
Well, a girl is allowed to dream!
xoxo, Lush
