How Long is Too Long in a Relationship?

I know couples who dated for over a decade and got married to each other. I know couples who dated for over a decade and did not get married to each other. The difference lies in the persons involved so no one can really tell you how long is too long for a relationship to stay in the dating phase without moving on to the next level. Rarely does a man move the relationship forward and sisters often find themselves edging the relationship inch by inch towards marriage with the man a little less than the unwilling accomplice.

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There’s no relationship If You Don’t Say Yes

I remember a ‘relationship’ I once engaged in where I was in pursuit of this lady for a while but we couldn’t get along because I refused to make some necessary changes in a habit that she didn’t like and I felt she was asking for too much without showing any sign of commitment to me. We seemed to hit it off some months after when she came back but there was never really any verbal consent to having a relationship with me but there were very obvious signs that we could be in a relationship. We did most things that lovers do but there was nothing physical (except one night spent in each others arms) but nothing more. Me being who I used to be, I was seeing someone else alongside but it wasn’t technically cheating. When I got caught and she got upset, my insistent line was that we weren’t dating because she hadn’t said ‘yes’ to me.

I may have been trying to be smarter by half but players usually do that – everything is either by the book or it doesn’t exist. We’re not in a love relationship until you as a lady say ‘yes’ and we’re therefore not exclusive to each other. We know ladies like to act coy sometimes and prolong giving assent to a love proposal; we also know you do that in the hope that someone better might just come along and then you’ll leave us without a backward glance because there was never really any commitment. It works for you sometimes but sometimes, it works against you.

Sex might be the ultimate physical communication of a love relationship but that doesn’t always take the place of a verbal commitment. In some parts of the western world battling rape issues, verbal assent for every step of the process leading to sex is required…funny as that would seem in the very act of it. From very early on before any commitment on your part, it is much better to clarify stuff in the most explicit terms. Is this guy asking you out because he wants to date you or just because he wants to sleep with you? It helps you to be clear about what you’re getting into and it also sets your expectations and limits your involvement if need be.

Sometimes it’s easier to just let things string along and play out the way they might without giving your consent to an actual relationship. We understand when you front even though we suspect you really want to be with us,  so we understand when you front but when it’s so obvious you want to be with us yet you refrain from saying ‘yes’ to us, it ticks of something inside the ego of an alpha male. He sees you as being unnecessary difficult and since he is not committed to you because you did not commit to him, he’ll probably be seeing others on the side. That doesn’t excuse the truth of the situation though that the brother is only being smarter by half: he shouldn’t be seeing anyone else if he’s asking you out. It however helps to be very clear on what you both want and what you’re both doing together.

Don’t assume something is going on when it isn’t. Relatedly, don’t assume something is more than what it is – always be clear on where you stand and always let a brother know where he stands – don’t let him assume. Don’t give him the impression that you’re dating him when in actual fact you’re just using him to mark time while waiting for another brother to show up – sometimes it works for you, sometimes it works against you. When it works for you it makes you happy but when it works against you, it hurts. It really hurts.

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Dating Tips on Finding Love

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.

Remember that first impressions aren't always reliable.Regardless of where or how you meet someone, though, it always takes time to really get to know that person. You have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations, some good and some not so good, before you really know him or her.

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has a flaw or several, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person he or she thinks you have the potential to become. In many cases, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By being honest and shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to a fulfilling relationship.

Invest in a vertical relationship before you invest in a horizontal relationship. Don't be too quick to make a relationship sexual as it often becomes harder to develop a good vertical relationship afterwards. Even though it can be difficult in this day and age, try to take your time to get to know someone first. It will only lead to a more satisfying sexual relationship down the road.

Put the devices away. You can’t truly pay attention to anyone or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about what’s going on in the other person’s head and how they’re perceiving and responding to us. But they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

More on this later....

Xoxo!
Lush

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