5 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship.

I siddon jejely for my house last week when a friend called me to lament about her bobo's behaviour.  My friend couldn't see that she was in an abusive relationship. It’s scary to admit it sef! But you know it is what is. Very few women want to consider the fact that they might be in an abusive relationship.  This is because most relationships initially start off being emotionally intense and passionate.  After a while, the fire dies down and little annoying things crop up.  Shey you never see am with una korokoro eye?  He stops calling you Honey, you start being resentful about his failure to call you every day. Dis geh, you no know say man pikin go hustle for im daily bread?  Na to dey call you all the time I go dey do? Becomes the slogan of the relationship.

With time, Bobo starts criticizing your dressing, your taste in accessories, your makeup and worst of all, your opinions whenever both of you disagree on an issue. Babe, why you dey talk like pesin wey no get sense? How you take tink dat kain tin? You start feeling like you are going crazy but wait a moment my fair lady! You are not to blame. You are a victim of abuse, emotional abuse to be precise, as Oyibo man go talk am!

 Abuse in relationships exists in many different forms.  There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and even sexual abuse in relationships. E dey good as una dey read dis article make una know well well di different signs pesin dey for an abusive relationship! This will help you know what to do and how to extricate yourself before it gets out of hand.

You may think to yourself that a person in an abusive relationship will know this.  Wrong! This is because most abusers are into manipulation and are expert at making the whole abuse appear as if it were your fault. Woman, if you dey cook my food as I dey like am, I no go slap you! Manipulation can actually create a lot of confusion and make you feel like you are going crazy.

·        The guy wants both of you to date or commit as quick as possible. (Oun Gbona lovers)

In the perfect love story, both partners know they are destined for each other the very moment they set eyes on themselves. But in real life, love at first sight hardly ever exists, if at all.  You might feel an instant connection with someone, but try to remember if all your associations with people have ever gone well just because there was an instant connection or you just liked the person in particular. Abusers and manipulators are well aware of this, so they try to give you the impression that there’s no need to wait to check each other out before dating or getting married.  This is because they want to gain control over you ASAP before you have time to think, consider and retrace your steps.  The man might actually act very sweet and nice initially, but if it is a match made in heaven as he wants you to believe, both of you should be willing to wait a while to check each other out, get to know each other better before entering into the relationship or marriage.  You have a lifetime to spend with each other, so why hurry?

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What Makes a Relationship Toxic?

We have two types of relationships: healthy relationships and toxic relationships. In healthy relationships, the parties involved are genuinely happy and glow as if from within. In toxic relationships, there is stagnation. Toxic relationships evolve because relationships are a commitment that test your patience, desire to dominate and other traits. Those in toxic relationships have simply not learned the skills necessary to have a healthy and loving relationship with another person. Read on to discover things that make a relationship toxic.

Lack of attentionA relationship grows toxic when one party neglects the other by refusing to pay attention to them and/or making out quality time to spare for the object of one’s affection.

Criticism and condemnation
When one partner constantly seeks to put down the other person by criticism (whether you imagine it is constructive or not), condemning the other person, slinging mud on the person’s character, and so on, the relationship will inevitably grow toxic.

Egotism
When one or both partners lose sight of the fact that they are supposed to be a team and say “I” more than “we”, the relationship grows toxic. It is good to retain your individuality in a union, but you should also remember that you are now a team, us against the world!

Refusal to apologize
A relationship in which one or both partners feel too proud to say “I’m sorry” after an argument or fight will inevitably become toxic. Once apologizing will restore the bond and love in a relationship, do it, even if you think you are right.

Refusal to acknowledge other’s imperfections.
In a healthy relationship, both partners realize that neither of them is perfect, but they still choose to love anyway. But in a toxic relationship, each person wants the other partner to live up to their ideal of how a perfect human being should be.

Inequality in the give love, receive love equation.
If our desire to love someone is greater than the desire to receive love from that person, we attract toxic people into our lives. There is nothing wrong in giving love, but we must be open to receiving the love of another human being.

Being in a long-term relationship requires commitment: not just saying I do, but also giving your union your best shot. It is very important if we do not want our relationships to become toxic.

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