Showing posts with label nigerian mums. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nigerian mums. Show all posts

6 Kinda Things Many First Time Mums Have to Contend with

Nigerian mothers are a set of mothers who are much-loved for disciplinary yet loving methods at child training, however new mothers can sometimes face a really challenging time with their babies.

Every baby is different and every mother is different. A lot of people don’t understand this, so some people make it a point of duty to give new mums, whether the advice is asked for or not. Learning from the experiences of others but not taking it as gospel if you feel differently, is key.

Below are 6 kind of things many new mums have to contend with:

Babies are uncontrollable
Ever been in a commercial bus and the woman sitting near you has an active baby strapped to her back to sitting on her lap, then suddenly the child starts to play with or even pull your hair, ear ring, bag or shirt and at first its all fun and game until you start to get annoyed but can’t show it because its just a baby. Well, news flash!!! That’s what kids do and even yours will do the same, so new mums shouldn’t feel embarrassed when this happens. One day, I was in out doing some shopping and there she goes, screaming, fighting and crying she wanted to get down from her buggy and run round the store! I jejely dropped my shopping bag and left the store.

Everyone knows better than you
As long as it is your first child, you definitely going to hear different kind of things from different people on the same subject. For instance, you wrap your baby up in the sun, someone is going to say the weather is too hot, don’t wrap her up like that, you don’t wrap her up in the sun someone is going to say ‘please wrap the baby up, its sunny and the baby is too fragile for all that sun. So at the end its left to you to what you think is right for you and your baby.

Is that a boy or girl?
A lot of people ask this type of question a lot and the truth is, they do not recognize how annoying that question sounds. You see a baby in a dress and you still go on to ask if the baby is a girl or a boy. So I was at the airport and this lady ask me if my baby was a boy or a girl because she had no hair then. Note: #MyYumYum was wearing a fuchsia pink dress and a a light pink headband and she was wearing earrings! If you really can’t tell a baby’s gender, ask a question like, “How is your baby doing?” I’d will likely follow up with, “She is doing great, but she just started teething!” Find out the gender without making a us feel like she has a gender-less child.

Carrying your baby always
Most new mums have probably heard this phrase: “you’re going to spoil him by holding him so much. You should just let him cry it out. ”I heard it countless times. Even those who committed the offense in their own time make it a point of duty to remind you how you should just drop your baby and go because holding her too much would make her addicted to be held. “Hello… I just want to bond with my baby! Leave us alone” I’d scream in my head.

It only gets worse
When parents are in that newborn phase — no sleep, constant feedings, and no time for themselves — sometimes all they have to keep their sanity is the knowledge that it will get better, but some ‘know it all’ old mums make it worse by saying the work keeps getting more tedious. Please say nice things!

Your baby is big oh!
After pushing a 4kg baby out of me. I believe I should be able to take good care of that baby. A lot of people say so many stuffs! Fade, Ha! Your baby is too big o! What outfit age is she wearing now?! What are you feeding her? I think you’re feeding this baby too much! Goodness. Na my Pidkin, Go born yours oh!

I’d say, get to know your baby and know what works for the two of you!

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xoxo,
Lush

 
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Pressure Nigerian Mothers put on their Daughters to get Married.

Last weekend, I spoke to my friend Wunmi... She said "I read your post Nigerian Mothers and Marriage its informative but too short oh. Fade, you need to emphasize on the pressure a bit more". So I decided to do another post on it.

“Mummy, do you want me to beg men on the streets to marry me?

Should I pack my belongings into my male friends’ houses? Do you no longer believe that God’s time is the best? If you are tired of seeing me here, just tell me so that I can move out and rent an apartment of my own.”

My friend used these exact words when she was speaking to her mum about her single-hood status. My friend, Dayo is 32 and her parents are fast becoming anxious. They believe that she ought to be in her husband’s house by now. They are not pleased that she is yet to introduce a man as her fiancée to them. The pressure is already taking its toll on her as she no longer enjoys attending weddings and naming ceremonies.

Dayo couldn't even pick a call in front of her mum. Once her mum knows she's speaking to a man, she becomes extremely nice to her, she will bring juice for her to cool down during the conversation, once her mum see the conversation isn't going towards whats she wants to hear, she goes in the kitchen and starts screaming "Dayo! Dayo! so gbo mi ni? Can't you hear me? I need you in the kitchen right now". Furious Dayo has to end the call because she knows her mum won't stop embarrassing her.

Parents please, we know love us, no doubt about that but its gets really frustrating. There was a period I won't go home to see my mum on weekends because all she talks about is Marriage this! Marriage that! and I got married at 26 years old oh!

I suppose, they mean well with their pressures, as they have various reasons for doing so. Some of these reasons are:

  • They want to see their grandchildren before they die. Every Mother wants to be called Grandma. Y'all need to see the way my mum embraced that title.

  • They believe that having a daughter brings wealth, or at least a rich suitor. Thus, they want their daughters to marry early, especially if the parents are not rich so that they can begin to enjoy wealth through their daughter. Lol... This happened to my friend.

  • They parents already know that the daughters are having sex in the name of dating, which they frown upon. It is partly because of this they want their daughters to marry early to have sex within the legal and holy institution called marriage... We've all and/or still doing this!

  • They don’t want people to gossip about them. Lol.. I remember my mum telling me that.


As a single lady, you have to decide what's best for you. Constant communication with family is very important. At the same time, don’t get defensive and rebellious with your parents. It is only going to aggravate the situation.

Parents should beware not to pile the pressure on their daughters so as not to push them into wrong marriages they will regret. At the right time, the right man will come along.

Nextweek, I'll do a post on the pressure ladies transfer to their boyfriends because of the pressure they are been subjected to by their parents

Sharing is Caring. Please don’t forget to comment and Share.

xoxo,
Lush
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