Is Emotional Infidelity cheating?

Yes, its cheating. There I say it. Most Nigerians think of cheating as when a relationship with the opposite sex involves physical intimacy. However, psychologists agree that emotional infidelity, otherwise known as emotional affairs, are dangerous to the health and survival of a relationship.

Just what is emotional infidelity? It is defined as a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and intimacy of a romantic relationship without being physically consummated. It is otherwise called affairs of the heart or chaste infidelity, because it does not involve sex.

An emotional affair is dangerous because it is a relationship between a person other than their spouse or lover that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage.

How do you know if you are in an emotional affair?

• When you find yourself sharing deep secrets and wishes, innermost thoughts and a transference of the deep emotional connection you’d normally have with your spouse with someone else. In Nigeria, emotional affairs are more common among the womenfolk who are not currently happy with the state of affairs in their marriage. Rather than seek professional help, the person, say a female, finds a male Facebook friend with whom she shares the intimate details of her marriage. She begins to look forward to meeting him online, even more than discussing with her husband. She turns to him whenever there is a moment of vulnerability in the marriage and her Facebook friend now sees himself as the woman’s pseudo-boyfriend, because they are not having sex. This is dangerous.

• When you feel guilty about the time spent chatting with the other person. If your spouse happens upon you chatting and asks you who you are chatting with, if you catch yourself lying, watch out! You have unwittingly found yourself in an emotional affair.

• If you realize that you have disclosed so much information that your partner won’t be pleased to know you share with another person, you are in an emotional affair.

• You partner doesn’t know about this person. You talk with this person without your spouse knowing, you relate with this person in private.

Emotional affairs are dangerous, even more than sexual affairs. The lack of defining words or acts make it harder to pinpoint. But with the signs given above, you can do some soul-searching and know if you are in an emotional affair.

Next time, I will be writing about how to end an emotional affair. Till then, stay blessed!

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xoxo,
Lush