How to stop being Jealous!

We’ve all heard of jealousy and its twin sister, envy. Many people are entrapped by this dangerous emotion, to the extent that they become possessive and stalk whoever happens to be the object of their affection.

Jealousy is an emotion that you feel when something you value is threatened. Sometimes, jealousy arises from paranoia, which is a mental health condition. How do we move from a place of jealousy to a place of freedom where we respect our partners, don’t see them as an extension of ourselves and seek to induce jealousy in them? Read on.

Understand the meaning of jealousy.
As I said before, jealousy is an emotion you feel when something you value is threatened. At the base of jealousy is fear of loss: loss of the loved one, loss of self-respect and loss of the esteem in which others hold you. This fear is what causes paranoid behaviours and acting out towards your loved one. If this fear of loss can be lessened, there will be no need for you to act insecure.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Take their word for it. Resist the urge to doubt your partner when s/he says something. It is very insulting to your lover when you are continually questioning their every word and behaviour. Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. If you’ve been a paranoid and possessive person in your relationship, you’d do well to remember that.

Check your self-esteem.
Sometimes, people are jealous because deep down within them, they feel unlovable. They ask themselves: how is it possible that such a person can love me? This makes them act out whenever they see their lover with another person. If you are the jealous type, restrain your dangerous emotion by believing in your partner’s love for you and seeing yourself as a lovable person.

Get ready to lose your partner.
It might sound counter-intuitive, but you need to be able to imagine yourself surviving, no, even thriving if your partner walks away from you and leaves the relationship. Instead of being self-centered and imagining that you can’t live without your partner, learn to visualize how well you’d be able to live and the things you’d be able to accomplish if they walk out on you. Don’t act like you’re self-sufficient in a relationship o! It doesn’t help.

I end with the title of Cynthia Hiemel’s book : If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?

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xoxo,
Lush