We’ve all been hurt before, by someone dear to us. Sometimes, the offender apologizes, other times, s/he doesn’t. Even when the offender apologizes, we are not always satisfied. Just imagine hearing this kind of apology I’m sorry, but you made me do xyz to you! Offensive, isn’t it?
Then we apologize repeatedly to our dear ones, and we are surprised at their inability to let bygones be bygones. It is because of this I decided to share with you the five languages of forgiveness culled from Gary Chapman’s book, The five languages of apology.
Expressing regret
If your spouse has this language, its best to apologize by stating that you are sorry and what exactly you are sorry for. No justifications, please! An example would be I’m sorry I didn’t take out the trash as promised.
Accepting responsibility
If your spouse has this language, apology is best expressed by taking the responsibility for what you said or did wrong. Some of us will say will upset our spouse more by saying it’s the devil. Don’t insult the person by blaming the Devil oh! An example would be it was wrong of me to have forgotten to take out the trash and I’m very sorry. This always works for me.
Making restitution
A spouse with this language is best apologized to by having a desire to make amends. An example of this would be I’m truly sorry I didn’t take out the trash as promised. How can I make it up to you?
Genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior.
If your spouse has this language of forgiveness, any form of apology without the genuine desire to change your behavior will be seen as being phony. Apologize by saying I’m sorry I didn’t take out the trash as I said and I promise you it will never happen again.
Requesting forgiveness
In this language, apology is best expressed by asking forgiveness. Apologize by saying I’m sorry I didn’t take out the trash as promised. Will you forgive me?
It is important to know all these languages so that one can apologize in a way that will endear you to your spouse. Because like it or not, you will step on your spouse’s toes without even meaning to do so.
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xoxo,
Lush
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