Loving Realistically in Relationships

Many people, especially women love romance. I do too. We fantasize about meeting the right partner and having a happy ever after life with the person. Little do we know that the person they fall in love with is a fallible human being, with weaknesses, vulnerabilities and insecurities. When the honeymoon phase of the relationship passes by, which can take anything between six months to two years, they begin to see faults in their lover. We become disillusioned and with this, irritation around their partner sets in. The pattern of devaluation, where the person begins to criticize, put down and basically hurt the object of their affection follows.

This now makes me wonder: how can we love realistically in relationships? Read on.

Never idealize your lover.
When you idealize your lover, you see only the good and blow it out of proportion. You elevate the person to godlike status within your mind. This is bad, because it sets you up for the inevitable crash when the lover’s faults begin to stare you in the face. Learn to see the good in your lover without exaggerating it, see the faults and decide whether you can live with those faults, rather than ignore them and pretend they do not exist. Someone once said that true love loves a person because of their faults, not in spite of them.

Verbalize your wants, needs and expectations in the relationship.
Many people in a marriage expect the partner to read their mind. Marriage, unfortunately does not confer upon those going into it the gift of clairvoyance. If you want something, speak up! If you are not pleased, speak up! Don’t sulk and walk about with a long face when your needs are not met just because you did not speak up and let your partner know what you wanted.

Take responsibility for your feelings!
Your husband or wife is not in this world to cater to your every whim and massage your ego whenever you are feeling upset. If you erroneously believe that your partner is in the marriage to make you feel better whenever you feel upset, this has got to change. You will only set yourself up for a lot of disappointment and pain as you realize that s/he can never succeed in cheering you up all the time!

It is important to love realistically, as we all know (or should know) that unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment and divorce.

Here’s to real love

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xoxo,
Lush