How Long is Too Long in a Relationship?

I know couples who dated for over a decade and got married to each other. I know couples who dated for over a decade and did not get married to each other. The difference lies in the persons involved so no one can really tell you how long is too long for a relationship to stay in the dating phase without moving on to the next level. Rarely does a man move the relationship forward and sisters often find themselves edging the relationship inch by inch towards marriage with the man a little less than the unwilling accomplice.

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On Love and Money

So of us have boyfriends and some of us are married.

I've always learnt never to mix man and money.
Some men will refuse to love their wives if their wives don't drop money for them. It's sad.

In most home, the wives are the breadwinners.  I'm not saying this isn't okay but ehn! It's demeaning to the man.

So a friend of mine, Gbemi buzzed me yesterday morning and she said her friend acquired a property in Abuja, Nigeria. She's married and but her hubby isn't doing financially well.

I admire her die and I told Gbemi that I'm very happy for her friend. And I asked if the house was built using using her maiden name or her hubby's name or Mr and Mrs. Gbemi couldn't answer. I told her to speak to her friend about it.

Another friend, Labake stopped saving just before she got married to this guy. She's been working for about 6 years before she got married. She's been trying to get a car for the past of couple of years. When she eventually bought the car, the car was collected by the hubby. So technically she bought the car for him while she keeps going round London carless. Thank God for great transport system in the city of London.

Another friend opened joint accounts with her hubby immediately they got married and she hardly has access to the account. Hubby gives her peanuts to spend monthly.  Attimes she can't even afford to use her car to work cos she can't afford to buy fuel for her car for the full month on the peanuts she gets from her hubby.

This people I described above are always Mr and Mrs around town. The man will love up because of the money they are getting from these woman. They are the types you see the hubby will come and pick up after work, go to Owanbe's together.

But some woman that don't part with their money have to do virtually everything for themselves. They hubby won't give her loving! My friend Taiye once said, Lush as long as my money dey inside my pocket I no send loving.

My question is, Why can't some men love their women without them dropping money.

I remember dating one dude for a couple of months, all this dude was concern about was money. Borrow me some money, Fade. I'm broke are his usual words. I sojied myself and broke it off.

Women are suppose to be helpers not breadwinners. Some women have other responsibilities like taking care of their aged parents, taking care of their siblings and etc.

If you are in a toxic relationship like those I described above... You have to soji your self.

xoxo, Lush

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Financial Responsibility In A Marriage

When you were single, you had already established your own spending habits and preferences.   Now that you are married, it is imperative that you share financial responsibility with your spouse, whether or not you want to set up a joint bank account.

Money squabbles can cause serious problems in a marriage and can ultimately lead to its dissolution. This is especially true when both partners do not share the same financial philosophies.

Below are a few ways a couple can share financial responsibility in a marriage.

• Set up a budget.

A budget is a way to keep on track and agree on what is financially important for each partner and the couple.  A budget helps you to provide for a vacation, retirement, your children’s university fund, a house, car and so on.  As most couples can’t live the lifestyle of the rich and famous, a budget helps you plan and save.

• Who pays for what.

There is no right or wrong way of determining who pays for what in a marriage.  In some marriages, the man pays for the children’s school fees and house rent while the woman pays for feeding and the children’s clothes.

Alternatively, if the woman earns 60% of the total income, she pays 60% of the bills. What she does with the rest of her income is for her to decide.

A third method is for the couple to combine both incomes, set aside an allowance for each of you to spend as you please and trade off the bill-paying chore from the joint account.

We need to realize that in our Nigerian society, we see the woman as the helpmate and not the head of the family.  As a result, it is understandable that the woman here won’t feel pleased to shoulder the greater part of the financial responsibility in a marriage.  However, if a man is trying his best and the woman can help out, she should definitely step in to raise the standard of living of the family to that which both partners will be happy with.

Always remember that there is no hard and fast rule in a marriage and what works for me might not work for you.  Do not look at another woman with envy, saying to yourself why is she so lucky to have a man who cares for nearly everything while I have to shoulder some responsibility in my own marriage? Like someone once said, next time, if you don’t wish to shoulder any responsibility in a marriage, marry Dangote! That is, if you can.

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Getting Married To The Wrong Person For The Right Reasons

Let’s face it: it’s highly unlikely your theory of marriage will match up to the reality.  This is why many people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons or conversely, marry the wrong person for the right reasons.  This might get you wondering: what are some of the right and wrong reasons to get married? Read on.

• Right reason 1) Because Both of you are ready to start a family

Marriage still remains the best institution for raising a child.  This is because a child needs the love of its parents to thrive physically, mentally and emotionally.

• Right reason 2) You are in love with one another.

Love still remains the prime reason for getting married.  This is because it takes a lot of sacrifice to look after a sick spouse, be there when the going is not so smooth, etc.  Love makes it a lot easier to put up with each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies.

• Right reason 3) You want to grow with your partner.

This is a very important reason to get married.  You must want to grow with your partner, both physically, emotionally and spiritually for it to work out.

Now that we have an idea of the right reasons to get married, what are some of the wrong reasons to marry?  Kindly read on.

• Loneliness


• You want a big fancy wedding.


• For immigration purposes.


• Your parents are pressuring you to get married.


• Your friends are all getting married and you are feeling like the odd one out.

All these are wrong reasons to get married.  They cause a lot of heartache and pain and can ultimately lead to divorce.

You may now wonder: is it possible to get married to the wrong person for the right reasons?  Yes, it is. Below are reasons why it is possible to marry the wrong person for the right reasons.

• We don’t understand other people.

Yes, it is possible to marry the wrong person for the ‘right’ reasons when you don’t understand other people.  This attracts you to the wrong person.  We need to understand that we are all basically crazy in varying degrees and people put on such a good show… at first.

• We aren’t so used to being happy.

When both people in a union have a set definition of love and meet each other, sparks fly.  The people think they are in love with one another but we all should know that our definition of love stems from our childhood experiences at home.  This influences what we call love.  For most of us, love is tinged with manipulation, criticism, abuse, abandonment, you name it.  I don’t want to sound Freudian, but the subconscious mind is very powerful.  It influences what we are drawn to.  This is why we can marry the wrong person for the right reasons.

• You want to stop thinking about love.

I know, it can be a pain to think about love when you don’t have it in your life. The heartache of trying to be philosophical about it after breakups, one-night stands, etc. can be truly overwhelming.  So you jump at the next available person and marry him when he pops the question.

These are some of the reasons why it is possible to marry the wrong person for the right reasons.  Because of the law of attraction, we get drawn to a man who seems to want the same ‘right’ reasons for getting married but on closer examination, we see that there is a discrepancy.

Learn to love yourself and be comfortable being single, and then you will be drawn to the right person!

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Debunking Some Myths About Marriage

There are certain things about marriage that people believe.  Whether they are true or not, most people don’t bother to investigate.  The fact is that a lie believed will continue to act as the truth. Then we start to wonder why we experience problems in our marriages and long-term relationships.  Thoughts are very powerful and the earlier we know some myths about marriage and how to debunk them, the better for us.

Some of the myths about marriage are:

• Myth: in a happy marriage, spouses don’t argue

This is a persistent myth with many individuals.  I must admit that I myself used to think in such lines too.  The fact is that we enter into marriage with differing expectations, needs and experiences from the past and our families.  Naturally, conflict is bound to ensue.  The key  is not to see your spouse as your opponent whenever conflict breaks out, but as a team member with whom you go through life together.

• Myth: sex and passion inevitably wanes in a monogamous marriage.

Many men believe in this myth, this is why they cheat rather than seek to spice up their sex life. The fact is that the sexual excitement in a marriage can be kept up over the years as you get to know each other’s bodies, likes and preferences in the bedroom.  Sex with someone who knows you intimately can be deep and intensely satisfying.  The important thing is to create a loving compassionate bond with your partner outside the bedroom.  This will extend to your sex life.

• Myth: Having children brings spouses closer.

This is one of the reasons many childless women fight tooth and nail to bear children.  It is true that having children can deepen the intimacy in a marriage, but children per se do not bring a couple closer.  For instance, many couples disagree on parenting styles. It is possible to get jealous when a child prefers one parent to the other.  I have seen women who think they can make their husband love them more if only they have a child (usually male) for him.  It hardly ever works.

Marriage, contrary to what many confirmed bachelors seem to think, is not just a piece of paper.  The actual social, physical and psychological benefits of marriage are enormous.  This is because social scientists have shown that healthy and satisfying marriages confer upon the partners longer life, more wealth, faster recovery from illness and stronger social networks.  Debunk myths about marriage to live a longer and more satisfying life.

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How To Keep The Flames Burning After You’ve Had Kids

It’s like our lives follow a set plan: for most of us, we are born, go to school, graduate, get jobs, marry, have kids… well, you know the rest.  There’s hardly any room for variety after the kids come and we start to wonder why the passion we once felt when we were dating has faded.  Sex becomes mechanical and we hardly engage in it with the thrill of new lovers once the kids come.  We settle into our roles of Mommy and Daddy and conversations revolve around the children and home, seldom about the couple. Before you know it, Daddy has a mid-life crisis and he starts looking for a younger mistress to make him feel young and desired once again.

How does a couple with kids keep the flames of passion burning and avoid being stuck in a rut?  Read on.

• Always talk with your spouse.

Communication is one of the vital ways of keeping the flames burning in a marriage.   To keep the flames of passion burning in a marriage after the kids come, talk with your spouse about your dreams, hopes, aspirations, what transpired during your day… you get the drift.  This will help keep the flames of passion burning in a marriage.

• Be affectionate!

Never forget to openly demonstrate your spouse’s love language every day or at least every other day.  Simple  acts of kindness, such as cooking your husband’s favourite meal, a warm hug as your partner is leaving for work, a peck or saying something as simple as “I love you” will go a long way in keeping the flames of passion blazing after the kids have come.

• Always pay your spouse compliments.

Compliments such as Wow, you look amazing today! Will definitely endear you to your significant other.  Do you still remember how it felt when you first fell in love with your spouse and you missed him intensely if you didn’t see him for a particular length of time?  Endeavour to reignite that feeling by making him feel like the most important person in your world.

Falling in love is the easy part but making the love last requires some work.  Do try to use the tips outlined above and see if your marriage doesn’t blossom!

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