Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not uncommon in the Nigerian society. Not too long ago, her husband who went into hiding and began to slut-shame his dead wife did beat a woman by the name of Ronke Shonde to death! It’s because of such a pertinent issue I’ve decided to write on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. It can also involve violence against the children in the home. A purple ribbon is used internationally to promote awareness of domestic violence. However, this article aims to speak about domestic violence aimed at women as globally, women are by far the greatest victims of domestic violence.

To know if you are a victim of domestic violence or if there is potential for domestic violence in your relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you afraid of voicing a different opinion than your partner?


• Do you feel anxious or nervous when you are around your partner?


• Do you feel obligated or coerced into having sex with your partner?


• Does your partner embarrass or criticize you in front of others?


• Does your partner’s behavior make you feel as if you are wrong?


• Do you feel that nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner?

If you answered Yes to any of the following questions, you need to watch out! If you are not yet married, flee! If you are married, seek professional counseling with your partner. This is because there are always warning signs and the violence escalates as the days go by.

Marital rape is a form of domestic violence but is not recognized in Nigeria as one. This is because many men believe they have bought the woman when they pay her bride price. It is defined as having sex with your partner without his/her consent. It is more dangerous than other forms of rape because the woman lives in perpetual fear of being raped. What kind of marriage is that? A sham.

Far be it from me to advocate divorce, but if you are a woman in an abusive marriage, don’t stay “because of the children”. You do your children and society a disservice when you tolerate abuse like a masochist. It is the subjective quality of a marriage that raises emotionally healthy children who will be useful and not perpetuate abuse, not just the mere quality of living with a man as his wife. Ronke Shonde is dead and her husband has run away. Who will look after the kids now?

I remember when I was a lot younger, an aunt narrated her ordeal right in front of me, this lady was pregnant with twins, her partner beat her so much that she miscarried one twin. She had other twin. Even after they lost a baby, He still continue with the beatings. She later left.

And some Pastors and Imams will tell the woman to continue to stay in the marriage telling this woman about how God hates divorce and how He frowns against it. Please women, if you are in any kind of abuse, reach out and Leave that marriage ALIVE. He will never change

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xoxo,
Lush