Emotional Regulations Skills to Look for in a Partner

In the post Why do marriages fail? Which I advise you to read; I mentioned that the single most important step in avoiding divorce is choosing an emotionally and mentally healthy partner. This is because it has been shown repeatedly that people with emotional dysregulation make for unhealthy life partners. Even if the potential mate is god-fearing, shares similar interests with you, is financially stable and is otherwise perfect, an inability to regulate one’s emotions will make such a marriage unravel.

What is emotional regulation? It is defined as the ease of controlling the influence of emotional arousal on the organization and quality of thoughts, actions and interactions. It is also the ability to respond to life with socially appropriate emotions and delay spontaneous reactions as needed. Below are skills to look out for in a potential mate.

Do they make effective ways of restoring the bond after an argument?
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. But an emotionally healthy person will be able to restore your bond and you will feel closer, not alienated from him/her after an argument.

Do they have self-control?
Are they able to rein in their anger and not be violent? Consider this especially if you wish to have children.

Can they discuss difficult topics with you?
If you have something that is bothering you and you wish to talk about it, do they stonewall (refuse to talk), avoid the topic or say they will discuss it you later but never do? Such a person has inability to regulate unpleasant emotions.

Is the potential mate self-absorbed?
Can your potential spouse take an interest in what is going on with you? Or does s/he always find a way of bringing the discussion back to themselves whenever you discuss? If you are dating and you discover that your partner spends nearly all the time talking about his/her life and activities with only a casual interest in yours, leave!

Can they lift their spirits whenever down?
When stressed, how does your potential mate relieve it? By drinking, smoking, clubbing or by sulking? A person who can’t boost their own mood when down effectively and in healthy ways will not make for a good life partner.
It is important to seek out an emotionally and mentally healthy partner who has the ability to regulate their emotions effectively. This helps you avoid a moody, violent, anxious, depressed, erratic, cruel or otherwise unstable partner who will make the marriage unravel.

Sharing is Caring. Please comment and Share!

xoxo,
Lush