How to end an Emotional Affair.

This is a sequel to the post on Is Emotional infidelity cheating? In the post, which I would advise you to make out the time to read; I defined emotional infidelity as a relationship between a person other than their spouse or lover that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage.

Psychologists and marriage counselors recognize the dangers of having emotional affairs and you should too. They sometimes lead to sexual affairs and even when they don’t, they create distance between you and your spouse. If you find yourself in one, it is important for you to end it so that your partner can restore faith and trust in you.

To end an emotional affair, the following steps have to be taken:

Understand how the emotional affair began in the first place.
Emotional affairs usually begin because there are things you are currently not happy about in your relationship and rather than sort them out, you seek another person onto whom you transfer emotions and feelings you would normally have for your spouse or lover.

See the unfairness of having an emotional affair.
When you understand that person with whom you have an emotional affair is just filling a hole in you and that you are using the person without having a real relationship with him/her, it becomes easier to end it.

End the relationship, period!
In this step, you tell the other person, as firmly and as nicely as possible why you are ending the relationship or ‘friendship’ with them. You can rehearse it and say that you realized that you had begun to develop inappropriate feelings for him/her and in the best interests of your marriage/relationship; you have decided to sever all ties with the person. Be prepared for tears and anger on the part of the other person, who might insist that no boundaries were crossed. If necessary, you might need to change your contact address so that the other person does not get to keep in touch with you.

With the steps outlined above, one can avoid having emotional affairs of any sort. So that you do not get into the complicated situation, we sometimes read of in Agony Aunt Columns in newspapers or magazines where a reader says s/he had a boyfriend but fell in love with another person. What should s/he do?

Here’s to a blissful union!

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xoxo,
Lush