Compromise Made Easy For Couples

We all want to marry the right person so that we can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, conflict in any relationship is inevitable, as we are two different individuals with varied needs and opinions. We can easily run into problems and unless we are skilled in the art of compromise, we become disillusioned in the marriage. How do we avoid the disheartening experience of feeling all alone when our needs and opinions vary? Kindly read on.

See the bone of contention as a problem that needs to be solved.
The most important attitude in compromise is to have a problem-solving attitude. You are not trying to prove your partner wrong or fix your partner. It is a lot easier to compromise and solve problems when each spouse’s problems are seen as being important and legitimate.

Try to find a common ground or meeting point.
For instance, if your needs vary , such as you are a spender and your spouse is a saver, try explaining your perspective on money without making your partner’s own feel invalid. I once read of a woman who married a man she regarded as a spendthrift. She nagged and verbally abused him till he divorced her and remarried. It was much later she realized that he was a spendthrift because he had grown up in poverty and wanted to enjoy money before the kids came. How sad!

Tit for tat!
Sometimes, there are cases your spouse does things that bother you. Instead of getting annoyed unnecessarily about it, tell your partner, if you’ll do this for me, I’ll do that for you. For example, if you do the dishes after dinner, I’ll take out the trash. This will help resolve conflict and is a great way of compromise that can even work for good things as well.

Take turns.
Compromise is a lot easier when you can reach the point you tell your spouse, how about we do it my way this time and I defer to you next time? This works if you have both worked out what is fair. You can say how about we go to see my parents this Easter and next holiday, we go for a couples’ retreat?

Trade off.
This works if you are trying to choose where to live. Here, the husband gets to decide that the family will live in Surulere while the wife decides the particular type of furnishings the home should have.

In a marriage, compromise is made easier when you realize the we factor in the union, instead of focusing on I. As the old adage goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!

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xoxo,
Lush