Do You Know Your Relationship Attachment Style?

The attachment style theory was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s. in this theory, children have different patterns of attachment based on early caregiving environment. Early patterns of attachment in turn shape - but do not determine - a person’s expectations in later relationships.

Further research by Bartholomew and Horowitz determined four adult attachment styles: secure, anxious –preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Most adults have a predominant attachment style which predicts how their romantic relationships take shape.

Secure attachment style.
Individuals with this attachment style are comfortable with intimacy. They are not afraid of being alone and they find it easy to accept rejection. They have higher emotional intelligence than the remaining three attachment styles and have a positive view of their relationships. This is the healthiest attachment style.

Anxious-preoccupied attachment style.
Individuals with this attachment style find that they want more closeness and intimacy than their partner is willing to give them. They are afraid of being alone and are less secure about their relationships. They tend to be needy, obsessive, possessive, controlling and jealous whenever they feel their lover is not showing them enough attention. They require constant reassurance of love and affection and have a history of emotionally dramatic relationships.

Dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Individuals with this attachment style are comfortable being without close romantic relationships as they value their independence above all else. They often come across as being very independent and self-sufficient. They push away those who tend to get too close, usually have commitment issues and are prone to infidelity. Confirmed bachelors are almost always dismissive-avoidant.

Fearful-avoidant attachment style.
This attachment style evolves as a result of grief, abandonment and abuse. People with this attachment style desire but simultaneously resist intimacy. They are usually cynical and worry they will be hurt if they allow others get close.

Every one of us can evolve into a person with a secure attachment style but it takes time and effort. The sad thing about it is that secure people are almost always in relationships while those in the dating pool are often anxious-preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant people. By the law of attraction, they find themselves and enter into a cat-and-mouse relationship where one partner wants more closeness than the other is willing to provide and the other party wants more space than the other partner wants.

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xoxo,
Lush