How to Overcome Relationship Anxiety

Most adults, be they straight, or homosexual, desire to be in a relationship. This is because relationships can be one of the most beautiful things that can happen to one. Unfortunately, relationships form a fertile breeding ground for all of our insecurities and anxieties. At a deep subconscious level, we all fear intimacy in varying degrees. This is because in relationships, as we open ourselves up to love, we stand a lot to lose if our love is unrequited.

In the early stages of a relationship, most of us are beset with anxieties such as does he really like me? Will this work out? Is he the right person for me? Unfortunately, such anxieties do not subside as the relationship goes on. As it becomes more intense, more worries such as am I ready for marriage to this guy? Is he losing interest? Does he really love me? Crop up. Such anxieties make us feel really alone and can create more distance between ourselves and our partner, instead of bringing us closer to each other.

This is a typical scenario of relationship anxiety: your husband goes for a business trip and comes back tired and withdrawn. You instantly conclude that he must have met a hottie on the trip who is now diverting his attention away from you. Paranoid thoughts arise within you and make you feel irritated. You then snap at your husband at the slightest opportunity and the two of you go to bed feeling angry and upset.

How can we overcome relationship anxiety?

To overcome relationship anxiety, we need to understand what is known as the critical inner voice. It is a term that refers to the mean voice within all of us that criticizes us, feeds us with bad advice and fuels our fear of intimacy. The critical inner voice sometimes occurs as thoughts in our head, not necessary a voice, and is from the subconscious mind. The critical inner voice can tell us things like You can’t trust him. He’s cheating on you; men are basically cheats by nature; why get so excited? What’s so good about him anyway?

Then look at the patterns that occur in your relationships with men. Ask yourself: am I being paranoid or is there a real basis for my worries? When a negative thought about either your man or your relationship comes up, rather than brood and ruminate, affirm the very opposite of the thought. For instance, if the thought of your man cheating on you comes up, instead of becoming upset, affirm to yourself that you are a lovable human being who is capable of holding a man’s attention indefinitely.

In conclusion, I’d like to state that many people sabotage their relationships by allowing relationship anxiety overwhelm them. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where our worst fears come true and we experience one failed relationship after another.

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