The Value of Friendship in Marriages

Friendship is defined as a bond of mutual affection between two or more people.  A friend is a person who you know well, like a lot and enjoy spending time with.  Previously, when marriage was just a business arrangement, it was easy for married couples to stay together as they both knew their respective roles in the marriage.  In a patriarchal society, men were the breadwinners while women stayed at home and looked after the children.  Nowadays, human beings are more complex in their emotions and we all need to learn the art of friendship in marriage in order to make it work. Here is a typical scenario.

Tayo and Tosin met in college and were inseparable.  They did everything together, studied together, went out together and one day, they began to discuss marriage.  They got married after their service year.

Fast forward to ten years later.  Tayo and Tosin were still married, but work, home responsibilities and looking after the children caused a gap between the two of them.  They no longer had time for each other and all their time together revolved around the children. With the suggestion of their pastor, they began to schedule date nights once a month to catch up on the friendship aspect of their marriage.

What are the lessons we can learn from Tayo and Tosin?

• Good friendships require time and deliberate intention.

Notice that Tayo and Tosin were very close when they spent the greater part of their time in each other’s company and enjoyed it.  Even if it is difficult for you to currently spend a lot of time with your spouse, start slowly.  Go on a date, go on a walk together, snuggle up in front of the Television set together.  With time, you will re-ignite the passion and love you once felt for each other.

• Keep your conversation positive!

Tayo and Tosin stopped discussing their goals, opinions, and aspirations with each other.  They drifted away from positive communication and began to talk about the children.  This in itself is not bad; but instead of wondering why Tayo doesn’t ask her about her day or her dreams, goals, and aspirations, Tosin could have decided to ask him about his day and inquire about his dreams and aspirations.

• Be a friend!

Tayo could have considered taking the time to make a list of a few attributes that he believes describe a good friend.  And endeavour to be that himself, instead of moaning about why Tosin is not as friendly towards him as before.

With this article, I’m pretty sure you now know why it is important for a couple to be friends, even after marriage.  Friendship in a marriage makes it exciting!